Coming Out
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Pastoral Candidates
The following is a confidential report on several candidates being considered for our church leader. Adam: Good man but problems with his wife. Also one reference told of how his wife and he enjoy walking nude in the woods. Noah: Former pastorate of 120 years with not even one convert. Prone to unrealistic building projects….
Starbucks and the Pope
The people at Starbucks managed to arrange a meeting with the Pope at the Vatican. After the papal blessing, the Starbucks official whispers, “Your Holiness, we have an offer for you.Β Starbucks is prepared to donate $100 million to the church if you change the Lord’s Prayer from ‘give us this day our daily bread’…
Catholic Dictionary
AMEN: The only part of a prayer that everyone knows BULLETIN: 1. Parish information, read only during the homily 2. Catholic air conditioning 3. Your receipt for attending Mass CHOIR: A group of people whose singing allows the rest of the congregation to lip-sync
Skipping Church
Father Norton woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was an exceptionally beautiful and sunny early spring day, decided he just had to play golf. So… he told the Associate Pastor that he was feeling sick and persuaded him to say Mass for him that day. As soon as the Associate Pastor left the room,…
Ten Reasons Gay Marriages Are Wrong! (Satire)
1. Homosexuality is not natural. Real people always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, and air conditioning. 2. Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall. 3. Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may…