Top 15 Biblical Ways to Acquire a Wife
1. Β Find an attractive prisoner of war, bring her home, shave her head, trim her nails, and give her new clothes.
Then she’s yours. Β ~ (Deuteronomy 21:11-13)
2. Β Find a prostitute and marry her. Β ~ Hosea (Hosea 1:1-3)
3. Β Find a man with seven daughters, and impress him by watering his flock. Β ~Β Moses (Exodus 2:16-21)
4. Β Purchase a piece of property, and get a woman as part of the deal. ~Β Boaz (Ruth 4:5-10)
5. Β Go to a party and hide. When the women come out to dance, grab oneΒ and carry her off to be your wife. Β
~Β Benjaminites (Judges 21:19-25)
6. Β Have God create a wife for you while you sleep. Note: this will cost you a rib. Β ~Β Adam (Genesis 2:19-24)
7. Β Agree to work seven years in exchange for a woman’s hand in marriage. Β Get tricked into marrying the
wrong woman. Β Then work another seven years for the woman you wanted to marry in the first place. That’s right. Β Fourteen years of toil for woman. Β ~Β Jacob (Genesis 29:15-30)
8. Β Cut off 200 foreskins off of your future father-in-law’s enemies and get his daughter for a wife. Β
~Β David (I Samuel 18:27)
9. Β Even if no one is out there, just wander around a bit and you’ll definitely find someone.
(It’s all relative of course.) Β ~Β Cain (Genesis 4:16-17)
10. Β Become the emperor of a huge nation and hold a beauty contest. Β ~Β Xerxes or Ahasuerus (Esther 2:3-4)
11. Β When you see someone you like, go home and tell your parents,Β I have seen a …woman; now get
her for me. Β If your parents questionΒ your decision, simply say, Get her for me. Β
She’s the one for me. ~Β Samson (Judges 14:1-3)
12. Β Kill any husband and take HIS wife. (Prepare to lose your son though). Β ~Β David (2 Samuel 11)
13. Β Wait for your brother to die. Take his widow. (It’s not just a good idea, it’s the law). Β
~Β Onan and Boaz (Deuteronomy or Leviticus, example in Ruth)
14. Β Don’t be so picky. Make up for quality with quantity. Β ~Β Solomon (1 Kings 11:1-3)
15. Β A wife?…NOT!!! Β ~Β Paul (1 Corinthians 7:32-35)